You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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