Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
