Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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