ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
