he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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