cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
