he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
