on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
