You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
