I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
