apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Even my vagina gasped.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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