I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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