I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize