he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
