I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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