Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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