TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
