so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
