coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
