i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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