In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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