I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.