the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin