My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
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She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.