maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?