just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
