Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.