I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Quick, to the slutcave!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
