i think my mom watched the whole time
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
