how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
