Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
