this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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