She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
