dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
