Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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