how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
