You just made me feel so damn special
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
