Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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