We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
