you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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