That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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