You made me cry and you don't even care
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
