I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
