They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
