Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
