Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
