this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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