can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
