Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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