Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
