Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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