Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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