3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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