How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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