I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
