i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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