a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
