that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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