this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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