he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
