didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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