Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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