Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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