thus making me awesome and them whores
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize