last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
