Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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