You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
