It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
