i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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