is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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